6 Tips for Getting Control of your Anger During a Conflict

6 Tips for Getting Control of your Anger During a Conflict

You’re in the middle of an argument with your spouse, and emotions are running high. You’re feeling angry and tempted to lash out at your spouse in order to get your voice heard. Over the course of the argument, you become increasingly frustrated, but you want to keep your anger under control. However, that’s getting more and more difficult by the minute.

So how do we get control of our anger when we’re in a heated discussion, or even a fight, with our husband or wife? Read on to learn how.

1. SLOW DOWN.

Don’t let your anger run away with you. It’s easy to get carried away by emotion during a fight, but it’s never the most productive route. In fact, going with the flow of your emotions can escalate a conflict, and will never help you solve it together. Instead of letting strong feelings control and drive you, take a few minutes to slow down, breathe, and process what you’re feeling. It’s okay to pause a fight and come back to it later, too, so you can both cool down.

Join our Marriage Conference on October 23 to learn more about Healing Conflict in Marriage from marriage coaches Lynn and Phil Brown.

2. QUESTION YOUR EMOTIONAL REACTIONS.

When you react emotionally, the feelings are incredibly visceral. You’re experiencing a moment that feels true to you in every way, even if it doesn’t represent the entire truth. When you have a strong emotional reaction, your job is to question it. This is where slowing down comes in. Slow down, question the reaction you’re feeling, and seek out the truth. This will involve listening to your spouse’s side of the conversation and doing your best to understand where they’re coming from. A well-rounded vantage point will help you navigate what you’re feeling.

3. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

Thinking before you speak is a universally important rule in a variety of situations. If you’re in a fight with your spouse, think about what you want to say to them before you let it come out of your mouth. Harsh, unkind words come more easily when we’re angry and fighting for our own point of view. However, just like letting emotions carry us away, words that haven’t been thoroughly considered can harm your relationship and hinder your ability to solve a problem.

4. FUTURE-PROJECT.

Consider how this disagreement may or may not impact your future. Will it matter tomorrow? One week from now? A month, three months, a year from now? Carefully approach how you handle this conflict by considering the future impact it could have on your relationship and family. Gaining a much-needed perspective can help you and your spouse determine how you want to handle the situation before it gets out of hand.

5. CONSIDER POTENTIAL DOMINO EFFECTS.

The domino effect goes hand-in-hand with future-projection. If you speak critically toward your spouse, give an ultimatum, or act rashly to get your way, for example, what domino effect could those actions set in motion? Is the potential outcome favorable or unfavorable? What can you do to avoid setting off a harmful chain reaction, while still solving the issue at hand?

6. EMPATHIZE WITH YOUR SPOUSE.

Empathy is the most important component of all healthy relationships. It’s essential to solving interpersonal conflicts. To empathize means you take a walk in your spouse’s shoes. Take the time to see their point of view and understand what they’re feeling. When you practice empathy for one another, it cools anger and makes seemingly insurmountable conflicts more manageable. With empathy, it’s possible to find solutions to conflict that work for both of you.

LEARN TO HAVE BETTER FIGHTS.

Did you know that conflict can actually bring you closer to one another? When you know how to fight well, it’s possible to strengthen your marriage, even through conflict.  

Do you want to know how to do conflict well? Marriage coaches Lynn and Phil Brown will be leading our Marriage Conference on October 23, Healing Tools for Healing Conflict in Marriage: A Hope-filled Beginning.

Related Posts

6 Tips for Choosing the Right Church For You
6 Tips for Choosing the Right Church For You If you are looking for a church to call home, you may face some challenges. With so many options, determining which would be best for you can seem …
Read More
A Christmas Gift for a Community in Need
A Christmas Gift for a Community in Need Turi kumwe - “we are together” - is a Kinyarwandan word capturing the spirit of Rwanda’s mission. After the Hutus, a Rwandan ethnic group, massacred …
Read More
What You Can Learn About God the Father From “Anna Delvey” & “Her Dad”
What You Can Learn About God the Father From “Anna Delvey” & “Her Dad” Anna Sorokin, the subject of the 2022 Netflix drama miniseries, Inventing Anna, detailing how she masqueraded as a German heiress who swindled …
Read More